I was at the local homelearning gym time today and I finally mentioned our possible relocation out loud- where others could hear even. I’ve thought long and often about why this has been so hard to talk about with people.
We are most likely (will find out officially in April) be transferred through dh’s work to Prince Rupert. It’s a good opportunity for us to buy a house, something out of reach here in Nanaimo, as well we’ll be able to save money to travel and put money aside for the property we want to eventually build a house on. We’ll also be closer to the family property we have up on the Kispiox river, which would be so wonderful to visit more often. The last time I was there was when I was pregnant with Leif!
On the other hand, I feel so depressed about leaving the many dear friend’s I have here and the friend’s I’m currently making. After three years of living on the island, I only just this month joined the damn homelearning group! It’s turned out to be more than I could have hoped for. I’ll miss the amazing local community I’ve been so lucky to be apart of… And all the rest of it… really there’s a lot I could mention and I certainly can’t share it all without getting into more detail than I have time for at the moment. I will be happy to do justice to all if in fact we do end up moving.
I think the main thing that has thus far stopped me from sharing about our possible move is the fear that I’m not worth getting to know if I’m only here for a short time. Alternatively, I also wonder if I’m only hurting myself by continuing to be a part of my community to the extent I’d like to. I know I’ve been withdrawing slightly already but I’ve realised that to continue to do so would be to cease really living. I live here and until the day I move I might as well be a part of here. Give back some of what I’ve been given, yk?
I still have insecurities but I’m going to just try. and be here. To adopt what Anita wrote the other day -I’m going to live before I die. I’m going to live to the fullest here until I have to move and live to the fullest elsewhere.
I knew when my dh got into this career that moving was not negotiable (at least at the beginning) and I took that as an opportunity to see different parts of my country (province). I thought about all the great people I’d meet, the amazing places I’d hike and ski, the communities I could contribute to. I never gave a lot of thought to the heartbreak I’d feel, leaving behind people who have made a permanent mark on who I am.
I really haven’t blogged about all the things I’ve wanted to lately. I do think that this post needed to happen though to make it easier for me to open up about everything else. It’s been weighing on my mind and I’m glad to finally say something out loud…