I was at the local homelearning gym time today and I finally mentioned our possible relocation out loud- where others could hear even. I’ve thought long and often about why this has been so hard to talk about with people.
We are most likely (will find out officially in April) be transferred through dh’s work to Prince Rupert. It’s a good opportunity for us to buy a house, something out of reach here in Nanaimo, as well we’ll be able to save money to travel and put money aside for the property we want to eventually build a house on. We’ll also be closer to the family property we have up on the Kispiox river, which would be so wonderful to visit more often. The last time I was there was when I was pregnant with Leif!
On the other hand, I feel so depressed about leaving the many dear friend’s I have here and the friend’s I’m currently making. After three years of living on the island, I only just this month joined the damn homelearning group! It’s turned out to be more than I could have hoped for. I’ll miss the amazing local community I’ve been so lucky to be apart of… And all the rest of it… really there’s a lot I could mention and I certainly can’t share it all without getting into more detail than I have time for at the moment. I will be happy to do justice to all if in fact we do end up moving.
I think the main thing that has thus far stopped me from sharing about our possible move is the fear that I’m not worth getting to know if I’m only here for a short time. Alternatively, I also wonder if I’m only hurting myself by continuing to be a part of my community to the extent I’d like to. I know I’ve been withdrawing slightly already but I’ve realised that to continue to do so would be to cease really living. I live here and until the day I move I might as well be a part of here. Give back some of what I’ve been given, yk?
I still have insecurities but I’m going to just try. and be here. To adopt what Anita wrote the other day -I’m going to live before I die. I’m going to live to the fullest here until I have to move and live to the fullest elsewhere.
I knew when my dh got into this career that moving was not negotiable (at least at the beginning) and I took that as an opportunity to see different parts of my country (province). I thought about all the great people I’d meet, the amazing places I’d hike and ski, the communities I could contribute to. I never gave a lot of thought to the heartbreak I’d feel, leaving behind people who have made a permanent mark on who I am.
I really haven’t blogged about all the things I’ve wanted to lately. I do think that this post needed to happen though to make it easier for me to open up about everything else. It’s been weighing on my mind and I’m glad to finally say something out loud…
Oh geez, I just wrote this great response and now it’s gone!
I imagine this post was as difficult to write as it was for me to read despite all the hints you gave me earlier. This reminds me a lot of when I left Cranny – the good byes went on forever and I was so hungry for a valid reason why I should stay. That probably has a lot to do with why I remember it so fondly.
I know the odds are staked against us but I’m REALLY REALLY REALLY hopeful that we’ll end up in Nanaimo and get there before you leave. Thanks for sharing and keep living!
I am so grateful you haven’t disappeared and kept on living it up until the ‘end’. Although I am truly sorry we didn’t connect sooner, and even more sorry to hear your news yesterday, I am grateful to have this time to spend with you while you’re still here. I love the idea of anyone ‘getting ahead’ and doing whatever it takes to get there, living out their life fully. Not that there’s any ‘ahead’ to get to, but you know what I mean. I am so tied to the island. It was funny, I stopped at the bakery on the way home from our play and chat yesterday and when I looked at the women behind the counter that I’ve come to know for 15 years, the smells, the crowded little tables full of elderly island folk chatting over coffee and pastries… I welled up with tears. I had the thoughts of moving to Prince George still fresh on my mind… and, well, I really can’t imagine leaving this place. I envy people who have had a lifetime of moving so that they are now veterans at adjusting and letting go and… It seems as though this place has grown its roots deep into my heart and soul. It would take a lot of drastic ‘pruning’ to tear myself free. Looking forward to our visit… K
I know what you mean about continuing on living.
I have had my place up for sale for what seemed like forever and we were wanting to move away. There was a part of me that felt like I should stop nurturing friendships since I’d be leaving but I am glad that I didn’t do that. That would have made the last year pretty hard (since I still haven’t sold!).
Also, when I think of leaving I am really happy since I have never really liked this place but you know, I have learned so much from so many people too and it will be very hard to leave all those people/events that made me who I am.
Enjoy the people while you can.
Thanks so much for all the thoughts. Really. It’s not an easy subject to talk about. Uprooting is never easy but I’m glad I’m not being oversensitive about it.
Oh that does sound like a lot of change. Its hard to leave when you feel you have real community right where you are. I get you on the withdrawing part too…I would do the same think, consciously or not. I’m glad you were able to catch yourself and delve in anyhow.
I bet you will always have an amazing community no matter where you are. And being able to invest in your future with a house and/or property to build on, that sounds pretty nice.
You’re so right, Peggy. I’ll also always have blogging! Ha!
oh Annie! I could have written this post myself. Obviously not the exact post!! The bit about not knowing how long you’re going to live somewhere and therefore withdrawing from the community. I am going through exactly that at the moment. I’m trying desperately to push myself in to our local community, but I’m finding it more work than it should be.
I can completely devote myself to nature around here, just not the people. I know it’s not good for me and I know that I should make the most of where I am when I am. It’s oddly difficult though.
I can empathise with you Annie.
hen
xxx
p.s.
THANK YOU!!!!!!!! Thank you so much for my wonderful seeds! We’re clearing out the greenhouse to put the tomatoes in. The ancient tobacco plant will be grown in a huge pot out the front of the house. I’m not sure how I’m going to grow the Quinoa yet. I might find a cunning place amongst the flower beds!
x
Hey Annie,
I’ve been reading in my RSS reader but really not commenting or writing much at all lately. But I wanted to reply to this and say thank you for sharing it. I’d kind of wondered if it was potentially in the cards based on things you have said in the past. Kris and I have sometimes discussed potentially moving away, and it’s hard for me to even think about it from a hypothetical point of view.
I hope that we are able to visit or you guys are able to come down here again before anything like that comes to fruition though!