The first time I wrote about Useless Baby Products. I had to make a second post because I keep coming across all these insane things the baby industry makes that parents and children do. not. need. Some of them are just crazy and some kinda scary. All of them unnecessary.
Mr. Milker- Obviously I’m supporter of breastfeeding and honestly, I might even prefer this product to bottle feeding but it’s still weird and unnecessary if the baby has a mother they can nurse on. It’s marketed for fathers who may have “breastfeeding envy” or to give mothers “a break”. Breastfeeding has so many benefits for both mother and child- benefits that can never be replicated with bottles, breast shaped or otherwise. It threatens a nursing relationship to miss feedings and doesn’t give mother’s “a break” because to keep the nursing relationship sound she has to pump all the times she would be nursing anyway.
Child Locator- I don’t live in an overly populated country and live in a small rural community but I still can’t help puzzling over why someone would want to use one of these things. It’s like one of those key finding devices… for your kid! With the option of vibrating instead of a loud alarm, it’s better than the next product.
Bosieboo- This invisible fence lets out an alarm if your child steps out the set boundary. I’m not sure what’s worst- this product or a leash? At least the limits of a leash can be obviously felt by a child.
Leash- Might as well give the child leash it’s own mention. I wish we didn’t live in a world where anyone thought they “had to” leash their child.
Thumb Guard- I honestly don’t really know what I think about thumb sucking. Many times it seems that children suck their thumbs because their need for comfort/sucking isn’t available via breastfeeding. Some parents even encourage a child to find comfort in the thumb or dummy or blanket rather than offering the comfort themselves. That said, I’ve also seen babies who are breastfed on demand who suck their thumbs… so who knows?
Regardless, putting a plastic sheath on a child’s hand is really bizarre. I wonder what playing and other every day activities look like for this child. Sad really.
Lolaloo- You’re asking yourself what is this thing, right? Can you believe this thing is actually suppose to help soothe your child when they cio by vibrating whatever you attach it to. Attach it to a crib, stroller, bucket carseat and you can walk away not having to listen to your child when what they most probably need is to simply be picked up. Carry (or wear) your babies! Too many benefits to mention all but movement-wise wearing your child in a carrier offers the most natural movements for baby’s comfort and you are right there if they need you. We do not need more (any) products to separate babies with their caregivers.
Easidream- Another product to help you detach from your baby, ignoring their needs. This product includes a pad to put under you child in a crib that rocks them back and forth and a sheep that hangs on the crib rail that thumps the sound the baby might have heard in utero. The problem is the baby isn’t in utero anymore and if they were all their needs would obviously be met from being close to mom to not being hungry. Babies have needs but one of the most important is for comfort and touch. Ironically, it’s hard to meet a baby’s many needs when you aren’t there to notice. We do not need more (any) products to separate babies with their caregivers.
OK to Wake Up- This alarm clock can be set to any arbitrary time a parent decides their child is allowed to get out of bed. Why wouldn’t the child’s own bodies know best when they were ready to wake up?
Padded Walls- Taking child proofing much much too far.
Kick bee- Speaking of taking things too far. This devise will automatically microblog all your unborn baby’s movements on Twitter.
Time Out Pad- Firstly time outs are bad. You don’t “teach” better behaviour with power over, shame and humiliation. I wonder if this same company sells switches as well?
You put your child on this pressure sensitive pad and it keeps the time out time for you. If they get up from the pad then the time stops and an alarm sounds. Another product where a parent can try and pass of the blame for the punishment they themselves are inflicting on a child.
Baby Cage- I’m not really sure what to say about this patented product. It negates most of the benefits of cosleeping- like having your baby close, nursing without having to get up (or lift a cage off your baby first)… Co sleeping is not dangerous!
Crib Cage Tent- At first I thought this thing was a good idea. Who wouldn’t want to protect their child from large birds swooping down to peck their eyes out? Oh, that’s not what it’s for. It’s the final piece for making your crib into a true cage.
Dummy Feeder- Not really sure what to say about this. Bottle propping is seriously upsetting to see. Nursing is the best choice and feeding should be a time to connect with baby. There are also risks to bottle propping- possible choking, overfeeding and tooth decay with liquid pooling in the mouth when it’s not swallowed.
Heelarious- Not so hilarious as absurd. Baby’s first high heels. I mean really, what more is there to say? This is a useless and even stupid baby product.
Credit Card Teether- Only slightly less stupid than high heels for baby. These products paint a disturbing picture of the values parents instil in their kids. I know not everyone thinks this way but I hope for a bit more sustainability for my children than fashion and amassing stuff.
Yotaro Baby Simulator- This thing is just plain creepy. This product is apparently made for children who have a new sibling on the way. Still useless, but couldn’t they at least make it look like a real baby? It’s incredibly sad that the manufactures of this company have a cio setting to help you get used to hearing and leaving a baby to cry since there is nothing you can do to help the fake baby- not even pick it up and hold it.
I’ve also shared what I think are useful baby products.