These were the first words to myself this morning when I woke up. I was greeting a part of myself I hadn’t seen in about 8 years. A part that used to sleep very deeply and selfishly soundly. That’s not to say that I’ve had only terrible sleeps since becoming a mother but sleeping is different since. It’s just I’ve obviously been responsible for more than myself over the last years.
So what was different last night?
For one, I washed all the bed linen yesterday (and even a couple of our pillows) in the new fancy washer and dryer we bought recently. It was like sleeping on new washed-once sheets. I really don’t want to think about how substandard my washing machines have been in the past. (La la la la…. thinking of something else…)
Even though I still nursed Leif to sleep and throughout the night a few times, he didn’t spend the whole night glued to my side or head butting me in the back or with his feet up on me. For part of the night, he chose to sleep in the middle of the bed leaving me free to sleep on both sides with my arms down beside me. I smile just thinking about how nice it was to sleep on not just my right side unhindered but also my left.
It occurred to me that if my son is like my daughter, night nursing could be over within the year. It also occurred to me that Leif being my last child, I could go back to sleeping deeply, tossing and turning without regard to a small child next to me…. Well, Leif and sometimes Lily will still sleep in our bed for some time but it’s normal to have more than two bodies in a bed and we all enjoy it. I just won’t have to be half woke to nurse or wonder if he needs to nurse (or pee). It seems like I’ve been doing that for so long that I’ve forgotten what it’s like to not be needed 24/7.