Taking a child away from a difficult situation for comfort and reconnection is not the same as a time out. This is a really useful strategy, especially for small children.

I don’t agree with “teaching a lesson” by withdrawing love, physically or emotionally, which is what time outs do. The lesson learned is that the child will not be loved or accepted until they change their behaviour. They have to change regardless of how they feel or what’s going on for them inside because it’s unacceptable or inconvenient for them to act how they feel. Children are immature beings and aren’t always going to have the impulse control to manage their own emotions and reactions. They shouldn’t be responsible for ours as well.

I think it’s worth looking past the behaviour and focusing on what’s going on for the child, as well as strengthening the relationship with the child by helping them through the difficult moment- unconditionally. Being upset or angry or any of these difficult, negative emotions are valid and shouldn’t be censored. Helping them through the difficult moments with love and ease is a wonderful gift we can offer our children. Sometimes easier said than done but a worthy goal, if you ask me.

The article I linked to is a good one: http://www.naturalchild.org/guest/peter_haiman.html

It sounds like your “down time” is lovely and peaceful. As your daughter gets older, she’ll have her own ideas about how to spend her time. There may be a day when your daughter doesn’t want to have a quiet time, or maybe you’ll have another child that will never be willing to be still and quiet. I hope you will have the flexibility and willingness to work with your child’s wants as well as your own. I hope your children never feel like they have to accommodate your wants just to please you or to keep you from being upset.

I don’t think children “test” adults. Children are little beings with their own feeling and needs somewhat separate from our own. “All human actions are an attempt to meet needs.” — Marshall Rosenberg I think we should always try to assume positive intent behind our children’s actions. Children, like ourselves aren’t always going to know or do what’s “right”. They’re never going to be perfect and neither are we and yet parents often hold their children up to impossible standards. I think we all need to cut each other a little slack.

Kyrie- what a wonderful example! Working *with* your child to make the situation satisfactory for everyone. Being realistic about what to expect from him and getting creative. Thank you thank you for sharing.

Jo- you bring up a good point also. I remember my second blog post after starting this blog talking about the possible difficulties in using this medium to share my thoughts. A person can have many layers of thought on one topic but in the interest of space and simplicity share what’s most important when it comes up in conversation (or when blogging). I’m certainly more than I blog about, as are my thoughts.

You and I do some things differently and yet we are friends. We also have things in common. What’s important is do we like to spend time together? If we do than it’s easy to leave any arbitrary list of differences and similarities aside.

Steph- ah what a wonderful existence! I would love to live so simply. I have plenty of *stuff* now I could live without…

Krista- Thanks for reminding about assuming positive intent behind words or actions!

That’s a wonderful idea about sharing more met needs around blogging. I’ve shared throughout my blogging but maybe some intentional sharing in a post would be worth doing.

Long live simplicity. Simple is sensible after all, right?

lisa